Archive for May, 2014

Great food for thought. Private matters should be handled in a private, compassionate, and tactful way. Agree? 🙂

The Blog of David I. Karp

The idea for this piece comes from a facebook post of a friend and colleague, Family Law Attorney and Mediator James P. Reape.

Yesterday, Jim Reape posted that one of the highest callings of an attorney is to resolve disputes while preserving dignity.

I could not agree more.

In my view, resolution by trial in a courtroom usually does not preserve dignity, at all, ever, for at least one side.

There, one side loses.

Losing at trial is mortifying.  The litigant has believed that he or she is right, and is incredulous that the judge or jury has not agreed.

There is no closure.  The anger and pain continues to rankle, often propelling the matter further along in the litigation path to the appellate court.

On the other hand, mediation gives the opportunity either for both sides to win – or otherwise to share the pain together, as it were…

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The children are watching us...

A friend of mine posted this picture to facebook and, while it is on it’s own a very powerful image, it also struck me on a personal level and at a very apt time. I always shudder when I see kids present while “the adults are fighting” and I think to myself, ‘What kind of conflict resolution skills will this child absorb? And, how will they carry those lessons on in life?’ Kids are such lil sponges and a HUGE responsibility that I take very seriously! I may not be experienced as a parent, but I do have firsthand experience being a child, and one that experienced a lot of hostility in the home growing up. And, I know that even if they can’t hear the words or understand the fight, they still feel the tension. Children are very intuitively perceptive. As adults one would hope (especially before having children) that we have learned that when arguing, we should seek to understand the other’s point of view, rather than seek to “win” the argument. There are no winners; but the children caught in the middle often lose. If kids are present (whether yours or someone else’s) under stress, be an adult and take a breather before fighting. And IF you slip up and expose them, after the heat has cooled, hold yourself accountable for your mistake– talk with the kids about it. Explain what happened (in kid appropriate terms), admit fault for “losing your cool”, explain fighting is not a good way to solve problems, and explain a better way it could’ve been handled. The future truly is in our hands, teach them well 🙂 ❤